What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize