i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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