Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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