this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
