He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
