before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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