he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
