brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to stop coming to work sober
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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