The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
