Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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