Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
