Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
