I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
