I wanna passion pit in your ass
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
