dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
