Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
