so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize