I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
