i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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