just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
