Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize