i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
