I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
