i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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