Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
even my farts smell like vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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