I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize