I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
