I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
