it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
