Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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