yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
