i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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