I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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