i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
