New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just high enough for therapy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everyone says I win the strip club
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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