I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize