We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
