It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
