I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
