It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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