Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
