Got a toothbrush?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
