last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
