Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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