If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
false alarm, still single
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
