Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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