Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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