just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
