I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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