when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
