Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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