went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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