I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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