My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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