every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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