god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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