I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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