And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
