Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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