i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
