I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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