My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
