If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize