i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
