I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
birth control should be required to get into college
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
