My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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