Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
