She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
