just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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