Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
