I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
