I have demons in me.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dicks are not precious.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
