For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
