Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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