When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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