You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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