dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
