omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
