I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Randomize
