It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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