Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
