it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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