When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
