After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
