guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
