I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
