Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
