There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
