Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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