dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
