I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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