I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Shame - the story of my life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
