By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
