Where is the hickey?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This toilet bowl is my home.
He has the fingertips of a God
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