fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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